last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
