shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
