We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
