420 ftw
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
