my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
