Swine flu. Run for my life!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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