No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
