Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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