If that was your dad, he is hot
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
