Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
