i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
