Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
