i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
