I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
