I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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