YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
