Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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