My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
