His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
