I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
