i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
