I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
