We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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