There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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