Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
