During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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