Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
