Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Someone shit on the floor
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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