Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
