Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
