butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
