New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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