He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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