I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want to walk on stilts...naked
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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