I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
