i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
so much tequila, so little girl.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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