His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
