Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
