your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
