GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
