There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
