I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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