I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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