So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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