I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
