I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
