i need an iv and a liver transplant
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
