Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
