Sorry, I don't speak sober.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
