Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
