Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
