seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
