my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
