Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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